And in celebration of this beautifully brutal time of year, I've decided to eat everything in sight so I can pack on a few extra pounds to keep me warm, because I don't have anyone to do that for me.
That's my excuse for eating whatever the fuck I want without being judged.
I shouldn't be allowed to have money because I literally will only go out and buy food. And not "good-for-you" food either. The bad shit. The candy, and the donuts, and the soda. Literally anything with over 500 calories per serving I'll be plopping down on that check-out counter, you can guaruntee it.
Like...I'm pretty sure everyone at Walmart knows me by name now because I'm in there so often buying sugary snacks in my baggy sweats. I also buy a lot of pasta. Again, not the "whole grain" shit that the so-called "granola" people advise us to use. You better bet your ass I'm buying the carb-loaded, extra saucy and deliciously heart-attack-inducing shit.
I'm honestly surprised that I don't weight at least 300 pounds by now.
Anyway, here's my latest haul:
NO REGRETS
I'm ready for you, winter.
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