FUCK

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

I FEEL LIKE SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS AND CUTTING EVERYONE OUT OF MY LIFE. Why do I always have to be the one who ends up getting their feelings hurt and their heart ground into the dirt? I'm so fucking over it. If you want to like me, great. If you don't, keep fucking moving because chances are I don't want to know you either.

Thankful

Sometimes realizing that we're all in the same boat makes dealing with things a hell-of-a-lot easier. 

Someone out there has it worse than you do. 

Sure you're hurting now, but it's such a minuscule hurt compared to others.

Feeling means we're human. Without feelings, we wouldn't learn from our mistakes. We wouldn't know what feels good and what feels wrong. We would be shells. Robots. Vessels for nothing.

It hurts now, but it's not going to forever. Imagine all the good in your life to come.

Things could be so much worse.

They say have faith, and I'm trying to.

Seven months ago I posted about my life finally turning around. Finally things were looking up.

But there are always ups and downs and now I'm going back toward the bottom of the happiness spectrum. And I guess that's okay. It was bound to happen at some point because life isn't fair.

I know that things are never perfect and it's never idealistic to believe that everything is always perfect, because truth is, life isn't perfect for anybody. Things happen that are going to knock you down a couple rungs on the ladder; that's just the way things go. People are going to come and people are going to go.

Having all this technology at my disposal these days makes it hard not to spit out every thought I'm thinking without filtering any of it out.

I've never been good at expressing the way I feel, especially when it comes to people.

I usually tamp down my thoughts and emotions until they build up so much that I explode and end up in a deep depression for at least a month. It was a marvelous trait passed on from both sides of my family.

Demons are demons. We all have them, and I hope that everyone in this world finds someone that will accept them for who they are and learn to accept them for what they are.

We're all people, we all have problems and we all have to deal with them in our own ways. It's easy to walk away from these broken people because you don't want any part of it, but those who stay are the ones that these people need the most.

They need to know that someone is listening and understanding what they're feeling and that they still love them even when they're not feeling the best one day or that they're feeling a little lost.

These things happen to everybody. I don't care if you're one of the happiest, most sun-shiny positive people in the whole entire universe. At some point in your life, you felt just as low as the rest of us.

Its okay to feel sad. Its okay to be depressed.

I would love more than anything to find someone in this world that would understand my struggles and want to help me fight my battles, but those people are hard to find. Some people aren't ready to take on some of the problems that other poeple have, and that's okay too. It just means that you haven't quite yet found who you're supposed to be. You can't fully care about someone else when you can hardly take care of yourself.

I thought I had people like that in my life, but some people are just not emotionally ready to care wholeheartedly about a person like that. It takes a lot of compassion and a huge heart to love someone unconditionally.

You need to find yourself and be secure with who you are to fully understand another person and to truly love them no matter what they've been through.

Unfortunately enough for me, I tend to care too much and it screws me over for a little while, but life goes on and things will eventually get better. Imagine how much better you will feel tomorrow than you do today?

Each babystep you take is going to bring you closer to where you're supposed to be in your life. It's mustering up the courage to start moving forward that's the hardest, but once you get going it gets easier.

I'm not really sure what I'm writing about anymore. Not expecting anyone to read this or even care, it's just a way for me to vent my feelings because talking to people is too difficult for me without completely losing my shit.

I hope anyone who reads this and is dealing with anything that they feel they can't tell anybody, they can always come to me. I won't judge. We're all broken people looking to be fixed, and sometimes talking to someone and letting your voice be heard is the best therapy a person could ask for.

With the help of my friends, family, and God, I know I can get through anything. It's all just a matter of time.

That Sinking Feeling.

I feel like I'm drowning and theres nothing there to stop me.

Theres nothing I can grab onto to keep myself from permanantly going under.

Maybe it's my everpresent depression talking, or maybe I'm just annoyed, but whatever it is, it's slowly killing me.

My parents, especially my dad, tell me all the time how happy I was as a little kid. "What happened? You used to smile all the time," or "You always look on the negative side of things."

I don't know what's wrong with me, but nobody seems to understand. Depression hurts not only it's victim, but everyone associated with that person. I can't handle hurting anyone. I think I was born to be alone.

I feel like I'm stuck, with nowhere to go.

The intense urge to leave this town and these people is taking over.

I need something new.

Happy

It's amazing to me how quickly your life can take a 180, from one extreme to another..

It's really true what they say about things happening when you least expect them.

You can never control what you wish would happen in your life all the time. Sometimes you just have to sit back and let things fall into place.

It may take a little while, but things WILL happen. Things WILL change.

Just take a deep breath and wait it out.

HAPPY.

Speed Bumps

Today is one of those days where I just feel like my life is going absolutely nowhere.

I also realize that my blog is still Christmas themed and that I have no urge whatsoever to change it.

I'm so eager to rush my life right now that I'm probably missing a whole lot of opportunities because I'm blind to everything except making it to tomorrow.

Is this considered a speed bump or roadblock in life when I'm standing still?

When I look at my life I just realize how sort of pathetic it is.

I have one best friend.

I gave up on school.

No significant others in the foreseeable future.

Full time job working with cranky people.

Not a dime to my name.

I just find myself wondering when it's all going to turn around for me.When will I actually be genuinely happy instead of lying to everyone that I am?

When will I reach a point in my life when I'm actually content with where I'm at and looking forward to the here and now and not 10 years from now?

I wish I could just find some magic crystal ball so I could see what my fate is.

blehh...

Everyone Loves Some Gossip

I literally live for the dirty details of everyone else's life because mine is so lame in comparison.

I love hearing bad shit about people I never or no longer care for.

Nothing makes me happier than hearing that someone I dislike immensely is going crazy and should be committed to an insane asylum, or because they got arrested.

I mean...those are just examples of things that could happen to people....not like I know people that that's happened to....yet..?

Hearing gossip like this just makes me thankful that I seem so much more normal and far better off than a lot of other people.

I mean....Who doesn't like to find out that even though they think their life sucks, it's a hell of a lot better than other people's?

Whether you have a bad home life, a shitty job, or an annoying family, just remember that a once popular person's friends are finally realizing how fucked they are, and someone is working the graveyard shift at Walmart.

TIS THE SEASON TO BE THANKFUL!