Seven months ago I posted about my life finally turning around. Finally things were looking up.
But there are always ups and downs and now I'm going back toward the bottom of the happiness spectrum. And I guess that's okay. It was bound to happen at some point because life isn't fair.
I know that things are never perfect and it's never idealistic to believe that everything is always perfect, because truth is, life isn't perfect for anybody. Things happen that are going to knock you down a couple rungs on the ladder; that's just the way things go. People are going to come and people are going to go.
Having all this technology at my disposal these days makes it hard not to spit out every thought I'm thinking without filtering any of it out.
I've never been good at expressing the way I feel, especially when it comes to people.
I usually tamp down my thoughts and emotions until they build up so much that I explode and end up in a deep depression for at least a month. It was a marvelous trait passed on from both sides of my family.
Demons are demons. We all have them, and I hope that everyone in this world finds someone that will accept them for who they are and learn to accept them for what they are.
We're all people, we all have problems and we all have to deal with them in our own ways. It's easy to walk away from these broken people because you don't want any part of it, but those who stay are the ones that these people need the most.
They need to know that someone is listening and understanding what they're feeling and that they still love them even when they're not feeling the best one day or that they're feeling a little lost.
These things happen to everybody. I don't care if you're one of the happiest, most sun-shiny positive people in the whole entire universe. At some point in your life, you felt just as low as the rest of us.
Its okay to feel sad. Its okay to be depressed.
I would love more than anything to find someone in this world that would understand my struggles and want to help me fight my battles, but those people are hard to find. Some people aren't ready to take on some of the problems that other poeple have, and that's okay too. It just means that you haven't quite yet found who you're supposed to be. You can't fully care about someone else when you can hardly take care of yourself.
I thought I had people like that in my life, but some people are just not emotionally ready to care wholeheartedly about a person like that. It takes a lot of compassion and a huge heart to love someone unconditionally.
You need to find yourself and be secure with who you are to fully understand another person and to truly love them no matter what they've been through.
Unfortunately enough for me, I tend to care too much and it screws me over for a little while, but life goes on and things will eventually get better. Imagine how much better you will feel tomorrow than you do today?
Each babystep you take is going to bring you closer to where you're supposed to be in your life. It's mustering up the courage to start moving forward that's the hardest, but once you get going it gets easier.
I'm not really sure what I'm writing about anymore. Not expecting anyone to read this or even care, it's just a way for me to vent my feelings because talking to people is too difficult for me without completely losing my shit.
I hope anyone who reads this and is dealing with anything that they feel they can't tell anybody, they can always come to me. I won't judge. We're all broken people looking to be fixed, and sometimes talking to someone and letting your voice be heard is the best therapy a person could ask for.
With the help of my friends, family, and God, I know I can get through anything. It's all just a matter of time.
